literature

I'm Putting Out Your Star

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Literature Text

I've spent so many hours looking at you. I know I shouldn't, but I'm drawn to you regardless. My eyes connect with your own magnetic and remarkable pair creating an impossible, but perfect match. Sometimes, when you looked my way, I pretended that you were the one watching me. Even though I know there was someone behind me I dare not look; to know who is capturing your gaze would be a torment I lack the courage to bare. I've taken out my heart and laid it undisguised on the floor, but I don't think you ever noticed it.

From time to time I saw you embrace that other boy and I cannot help but wonder what it was about him. I watched as you hug, as you touched and talked in a flawless symphony that was rightfully mine to be in. Did he know how lucky he was to once be in your arms? To hear your soft voice being poured solely into his ear, whilst I had to strain to catch a whisper? Did he hurt as much as I when you were not around?

You were a fascination of mine; one that was impracticable to shake away. I thought about you incessantly; in classes, in work, at home – a total fixation. When I dreamed I dreamt about us as we should have been and when I woke I couldn't breathe. You're not good for me, but now that you're here it is challenging to think of my life without you. It would be empty and worthless - a void.

It's clear that I was stuck on your sidewalk, but I don't think I care. I've considered what it would be like to loose you, but then I realise that I never will. Tell me, have you ever thought of me? Did you know my name before now? Did you know I wrote stories about you? Cluster-filled metaphors and passionate syllogisms dedicated to you, pinned on my wall. It wasn't very fair, I should have you know, letting me infuse myself so entirely to your entity, but I'm not sorry that I did because I finally have you.

I've taken you and now you look into my eyes. The yearning is absent - there is no sparkle, no gleam of enthusiasm, but I pretend otherwise.

I touch your face, your perfect cheek and you flinch away from me.  Is it the bonds? Are they too tight? I dare not loosen them in case you abandon me.

Now you're shouting, throwing words at me that rebound painfully inside my head. You don't love me? I know your lying, we're too good – a perfect match made by divinity.

I clutch you, holding you so you look at me. I try and understand you but from all my watching I cannot – you've kept this hidden from me, an unwarranted secret.

We're so close now. My lips touch yours and you try and move away, but you can't. I don't comprehend why you would want too. You're sweet and so succulent; the brief moment seems a lifetime as I fly undeniably high. As I land and move away from you I smile, but you don't return it. I give a questionable expression as you open your mouth instead. That perfect voice utters words that float around the room tainting the air with words I would have erased.

"I do not love you and I never will, you fucked up little bitch."

Your words poison me and I know you won't give me the cure. I cry shallow tears of jealousy that stain my face.  My heart falls apart slowly, piece by piece. Turning away from you I down some of the contents of the little bottle I had kept under my bed for half a decade – I've heard cyanide can fix broken hearts.

You're speaking again now, words of concern. For yourself or for me? I don't notice. Grabbing you again, I force you to kiss me as though this would somehow fix your unjustified feelings towards me, transferring the remains of my venom down your throat.

The hatred no longer saturates your eyes; instead they show the mesmeric panic I once felt as you start to convulse. I hold your hand and you grip it back tightly – it feels good. Your breathing heightens along with mine as you close your twinkling eyes for the last time. Like a star, you've just gone out. Always my own constellation. Now we're in the darkness together.
It's not very good i know, but meh, 3am writing ^_^ The character can be whoever, the other character can be whoever. Maybe its you :O

Critiques maybe? :3

Oh my god, my first lit with a mature content "!"....What have i done.... :D
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gwosatum's avatar
I so don't have the brainpower to enjoy this right now but I want to SO BAD! :( Will read later. Promise.